It's the same story every year, some old idiot displaying a socio-economic insight that would cause Donald Trump to rub himself in a suggestive manner quips up that Christmas is starting earlier this year.

Well here I am, however I'm saying that this year, unlike last year or the year before, Hallow'een is starting earlier.

On my last regularly scheduled weekend back in Dublin I noticed something. Even though it was only the first weekend of October it sounded like downtown Baghdad. Children these days are armed to the teeth when it comes to fireworks. And the average Northside council estate posesses more firepower than the entire military might of say, the Isle of Man.

When I was a young boy the build up to Hallow'een for me was about getting used car tyres for the bonfire, hiding my cat from the poor kids living in Dominic's Park and going to Dublin to buy bangers and sparklers, for kids these days it's all about falling beneath the radar of Hans Blix and avoiding George W's 'Axis of Terriers'. Even the most lethal of fireworks in my day, the elusive and mythical 'Crow Banger' pales into insignificance when compared to some of the beasts kids are launching into the Dublin sky nowadays.

Haggard parents obsessed getting themselves further into debt are heading northwards where decomissioned arms are being sold from the backs of 40' containers from enterprising Northerners before rushing homewards to cause untold damage to the foundations of their state-owned abode with colourfully named 'Big Bettys' or 'Chinese Dreams'.

One final note. Does it not sink into the average Dublin dog's head that on, say the fifteenth night of cotinued fireworks that these explosions are the norm? Really dogs, there is absolutely no point barking, it's no big secret, we can hear the fireworks too, however thank you for alerting us to it. You are truly earned man's smartest companion.